Kirsten is not like Dawn
by Phil929
Summary: Ryan finds Kirsten passed out drunk in The showdown instead of Sandy. He blames himself and deals with it the wrong way.
1. Blaming himself

This story is basically that Ryan finds Kirsten drunk on the couch instead of Sandy in "The Showdown"

I do not own the OC. I'm just borrowing the characters.

Kirsten is not like Dawn

Chapter 1

Ryan jogged up to the Cohen's front door. "I'll be back in a minute!" He called back to Marissa. The two were planning on going to the diner for dinner but Ryan had forgotten his wallet and he wasn't going to let Marissa pay for it. So they had had to come back for it.

He opened the door hurriedly and slipped inside. On his way through a picture caught his eye. It was of the Cohens taken a few years ago. Sandy and Kirsten were smiling happily and between them was a younger Seth grinning widely. He smiled softly they were such a happy family.

Ryan continued his journey to the pool house. As he was walking through the kitchen a vodka bottle caught his eye. It was lying down on the kitchen table empty. Ryan frowned and moved over to the bottle to pick it up and place it in the garbage can.

As he entered the pool house and grabbed his wallet he couldn't stop wondering about the bottle. It reminded him of his mom. He used to come home to find bottles littering the floor and his mom face down on a sofa or even sometimes the floor.

As he made his way through the living room and back to the front door he noticed something covered in a rug on one of the sofas. A wine glass sat by the side. He moved closer and saw that it wasn't just a something. Kirsten lay passed out, completely dead to the world.

Ryan felt like he'd been slapped hard around the face. How could he have not seen her on the way through?

He moved over closer and decided that he'd better do something before Seth came home with Summer. He knew from experience how awful it is to see your own mother passed out like this.

Ryan gently lifted the rug off and draped her arm around his neck and lifted her up gently. He noticed that Kirsten was a lot lighter than Dawn and so was easier to manoeuvre but he had sortb of guessed that already.

Ryan brought Kirsten into her bedroom and settled her onto her bed. He removed her shoes and placed the blanket over her small frame. Kirsten moaned slightly in her sleep.

"I'll be back in a second," Ryan whispered even though he knew Kirsten wasn't able to hear him or respond.

He stepped out of the house and went up to where Marissa was waiting. "Hey, I was wondering where you'd got too." Marissa said as he approached.

Ryan smiled at her. "Look Marissa, Kirsten's not feeling well. Sandy and Seth aren't here. I'm really sorry. Is it okay if we reschedule?" Ryan spoke apologetically to her. Marissa nodded. She knew Ryan would want to help Kirsten if she was sick but secretly she felt a little hurt that he chose Kirsten over her.

"Yeah that's fine. Is she okay?"

Ryan nodded "It's probably just a 24 hour bug. I'll catch up with you tomorrow ok?" Marissa nodded and Ryan leaned in through the window of her car to kiss her good bye. He waved as she drove down the driveway.

He stood there alone for a little while and then made his way back into the house he remembered when he'd has to lie for his mom too. He knew what to do. Dawn had done this to him too many times for him to count.

He sighed and grabbed a bucket from under the sink in the kitchen for Kirsten to have if she awoke and couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. He also grabbed some aspirin for the next days hang over as well and some coffee for himself. It was going to be a long wait till Sandy came home.

He slowly made his way back to Kirsten and Sandy's bedroom. He placed the bucket nearby and the aspirin on her bedside table.

Then he sat down on a chair and watched her quietly. Why did every motherly figure he had turn to alcohol? He couldn't help to feel like a curse- a black mark to any family who accepted him or showed him any sort of love.

Kirsten lay motionless and Ryan leaned back in his chair. He was almost begging for Sandy to come back. This was too painful. It brought back too many bad memories. The more Ryan watched her and thought about it the more he blamed himself.

He remembered on his first day in Newport when he had ordered a 7&7. Kirsten had taken it off him. She had been so against drinking that much alcohol and now she was passed out from the substance.

Ryan couldn't believe what was happening Dawn had started off the same. She'd always frowned upon his father drinking but when he'd been arrested she'd started seeking alcohols cruel comfort as well.

Ryan could remember the first time he's found his mother drunk and passed out. He could have only been 5 or 6. He'd come home from his first day at school in Chino with Trey and she was on the sofa. Vomit clinging to her hair and the television blaring in the background.

He had thought she was dead and had panicked around her with his brother all day neither properly understanding the situation as Dawn had always dealt with their father when he was drunk so that they didn't have too. The next day his happiness for her well being was quelled when she hit him for making too much noise. That was the first time his mother had hit him properly- it was usually his father.

Ryan had gone to school sore and miserable that day.

But this wouldn't repeat with Kirsten would it? No, she had way more control. Suddenly the sound of the door opening made Ryan jump and Sandy came in.

"Oh, hey Ryan. What are you doing in here?" Sandy asked confused by the presence of his newest son.

"Umm… Kirsten umm… I think Kirsten had a bit too much to drink. I didn't want to leave her alone." Ryan responded worried that Sandy would get the wrong idea about his presence.

Sandy quickly walked over to his wife's side. "Okay, thanks Ryan. I'll take it from here."

Ryan nodded and hurried out of the door. Sandy could see the worry written all over Ryan's face. He saw the bucket and aspirin and felt a pang of guilt that he hadn't come back earlier. Ryan had to be taking a long trip down memory lane.

Sandy got ready for bed quickly and lay down beside Kirsten. What was going on with her? After Carter had left she'd been like a completely different person. Ryan shouldn't have to live thorough this alcohol thing twice. Seth wouldn't be able to handle this kind of thing. No child should have to live with an alcohol dependant parent.

God, Kirsten had seen what the stuff had done to Dawn and even her own mom. Sandy couldn't sleep he just tossed and turned and watched Kirsten all night.

XxxxxxX

Ryan lay awake staring at the ceiling. He couldn't stop thinking about his mom and the risk that what had happened to her might happen to Kirsten. Seth didn't deserve to have an alcoholic mother and go through what he had. Seth was just so innocent and wouldn't be able to stand the swearing and the arguments.

Ryan wouldn't be able to stand watching another family being torn apart. They were so happy before he had come along.

Ryan thought back on that picture he had seen earlier. Sandy, Kirsten and Seth together and happy before he came. Maybe if he left the curse would be lifted.

Ryan knew what he had to do. He grabbed his jacket and his duffel bag and stuffed all the stuff he had brought with him from Chino into the bag. He only kept one wife beater and one pair of jeans that he had got in Newport because they would last longer than his Chino ones and the rest he put neatly back into his cupboard and draws.

He took one last look around the pool house and stepped out with the bag in his hand. He quickly scribbled a note to Sandy, Kirsten and Seth and placed it in between the door handle and the door.

Then he went around the house and out into the unknown…

tbc…


	2. Discovering

Hi, thanks for all the reviews I got it really means a lot to me receiving them. I have two ways this story could go and I'm still undecided on which one to go with. Once I've decided the chapters should come quicker.

Kirsten is not like Dawn

Chapter 2

The first thing Kirsten felt when she awoke was a pounding headache. She opened her eyes and squinted against the brightness of the room.

She looked over at her bedside table and noticed a box of aspirin waiting for her. She reached for it clumsily.

Just as she was fumbling with the seal, Sandy came into the room carrying in some breakfast for her. The thought of eating brought on a wave of nausea and she swallowed thickly.

"Morning beautiful." Sandy chimed. He placed the Tray on the bed and noticing the unopened box of aspirin on Kirsten's lap he opened it for her and handed her a pill.

She thanked him quietly and washed the pill down with some orange juice. Another bout of nausea attacked her and she looked frantically around the room. She caught sight of the bucket by the side of her and she grabbed it pulling it towards her just in time before her stomach emptied its contents. She panted and Sandy rubbed her back comfortingly.

"I think you had just a little bit too much to drink last night huh?" Sandy pointed out. "Do you think you're done?" He asked gesturing towards the bucket.

Kirsten nodded slowly and put her hand on her head. Sandy grabbed the bucket and took it to clean in the bathroom. When he returned Kirsten was lying down again on the bed. A pained expression was on her face.

"You know last night Kirsten… Ryan found you passed out… not me." Sandy said quietly sitting on the bed and fiddling with her blanket.

Kirsten's eyes snapped open and she starred at Sandy. "Oh God, Is he okay?" Kirsten sat up slowly holding her head.

"I don't know I'm going to check on him in a minute."

"I'm going to take a shower. I'll go and see him later on." Sandy nodded.

"I can heat your breakfast up for you," He suggested.

"Its okay, I'm not really hungry." She replied disappearing through the door of the en suite bathroom.

Sandy picked up the tray and retreated back into the kitchen. He sighed tipping the food he had so carefully prepared into the bin. He looked over to the pool house. There was no movement inside. Sandy decided now was as good a time as any. He put the plate in the dishwasher and then made his way out of the kitchen.

As he neared the pool house he noticed a piece of paper sticking out behind the door handle. He reached over and pulled it out.

Sandy could feel his heart beat rising. He opened the letter with shaky hands.

_Dear Sandy, Kirsten and Seth_

_I'm sorry that I didn't say this in person but it was late and I couldn't wait._

_I can't stay here. I can't be responsible for tearing apart another family apart._

_I'm a curse and anyone that has me as a member of their family gets their family_

_Completely screwed up. I have to leave before this gets out of control. Please Sandy get_

_Kirsten help. _

_Don't come looking for me, it will just make everything harder._

_Thank you for all your kindness over the years,_

_Ryan_

Sandy's hand shook. Why was this happening? He should have known Ryan would feel responsible. He should have talked to him last night. He opened the door of the pool house and looked in. The room was spotless. On the bed lay the watch Sandy had given him for his first Chrismukkah. Sandy looked in all the cupboards and sure enough Ryan had left all of the clothes and things Kirsten and himself had given him.

Sandy clenched the note in his hands and hurried back to the house.

He grabbed the home phone and dialled Ryan's cell phone. He closed his eyes in despair as he heard the ring tone. Ryan's cell phone lay on the floor of the living room. It must have fallen out of Ryan's pocket while he was tending to Kirsten.

He read the note again more carefully and snorted at the "Don't come looking for me…" part. Fat chance of that happening.

Sandy stood up and decided to spread the alert. He ran up to Seth's room and burst through the door. Seth was lying on his bed with Summer on top of him.

"Dad!" Sandy shook his head shocked but he had to deal with this later. Right now he had to deal with the crisis at hand.

"Ryan's gone" He managed. Seth looked at him confused as he pushed Summer off himself.

"Ok, where? Dad, are you okay?" Sandy simply thrust the note in Seth's hands.

Summer watched as her boyfriend's face changed from confused to horrified. "Shit" He breathed.

Seth jumped and charged down the stairs. Sandy followed and Summer walked behind confused.

Seth grabbed the phone and almost screamed from frustration when what happened to Sandy happened to him. "What are we going to do?" Seth demanded, desperate to find his brother. Sandy grabbed the phone.

"Show that to your mother" He said thrusting the note in Seth's hands.

Seth scuttled off to his parents room with Summer in tow. Sandy dialled his friend's number carefully.

"Hello?"

"Hey Brian. It's Sandy here."

"Oh hey Sandy, how's it going?"

"I need your help with something"

"Yeah okay, fire away Sandy."

"My son ran away…"

"Seth ran away?"

"No, Ryan. Can you help me find him with your guys?"

"Yeah sure. I'd be glad to help. I'll come over soon okay? Hang tight."

Sandy paced the kitchen while he waited for Brian. Kirsten came in with tears trickling down her face. She sat down on a chair by the table. The note was in her hand and she began reading it for the fifth time since Seth had given it to her.

"This is all my fault…" Kirsten whispered softly. Sandy didn't know what to say. He walked over to her and put his arm around her waist gently. She leaned against him sobbing.

"Sssh," He soothed "We'll find him." Sandy could feel his t- shirt getting wetter and wetter. He rubbed Kirsten's back softly and rested his head on hers. He breathed in the scent of her hair. She'd just washed it and it smelt of fruits and flowers.

The ring of the doorbell broke them apart. "Ryan!" Kirsten called running towards the door and pulling it open.

"Oh hey Brian." Kirsten sighed and Brian looked at her sympathetically. Sandy came up behind her and shook Brian's hand.

"Thanks for coming." Sandy whispered.

"It's fine." Brian replied. He completely understood their situation. The officer had three sons all left now for college or finding their way in the world. If one of them ran away or disappeared he and his wife would be heart broken. Besides the Cohens were a very close bunch. He knew them well.

Sandy gathered together some photos of Ryan, the note and gave a detailed account of the parts he knew about happened the night before. Brian left with the information and went off with his team to look for the misguided youth.

Sandy walked back to the kitchen where through the window he could see Kirsten in the pool house sitting on Ryan's bed. "Hey dad," Sandy jumped.

"Hey Seth…" Sandy started filling his son with al the details of what had been spoken about with the officer. "…I'm going to take the car as well and have a look around, do you want to come?"

Seth nodded "Yeah sure, Summer's gone home. She's going to break the news to Marissa. He was about to leave the room when he paused. "You know in the note when Ryan told you to get mom some help, what did he mean?" Sandy sighed deeply.

"You're mother has a drinking problem." He told Seth quietly. Seth looked at him shocked.

"For how long?" At Sandy's shrug he continued. "Is that why Ryan ran away and thinks he's a curse?" Sandy nodded slowly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Sandy sighed "We can talk about this later. Right now we have to find Ryan."

Seth nodded and shrugged he didn't look at his father but just sat down on a chair by the table. Sandy watched him, the only reason he hadn't told Seth and Ryan was because he didn't want something like this to happen. He thought he could deal with it himself. But of course nothing was ever that simple and the inevitable had happened.

"Right, shall we go then? I'm just going to tell your mom where we're going," Sandy trotted outside and towards the pool house.

Seth stood up and watched his parents interact through the window. How could this be happening? This must be awful for Ryan after he'd seen his biological family getting torn apart from the substance. Where was he? Seth sighed and watched his mother crying while his dad held her. His dad had to be so strong for them all. He watched as his mom pulled herself together after a few minutes and his parents came into the kitchen hand in hand.

Kirsten sat on a chair at the table and she held the phone in her hands. Sandy kissed the top of her head and he gestured for Seth to follow him. "Ready?" He asked and Seth could see the weariness in his father's face.

Seth nodded and they left the house to search for their lost son and brother.

Tbc…


	3. Memories

Hi thank you so much for your reviews. I loved receiving them. I've decided what route I'm going to take on this. Thanks Beachtree for your thoughts. Unfortunately the route I've chosen I haven't written much of because I was set on the other route but decided that that route was a little sick and twisted for me.

Anyway I hope you like this chapter and I'll try and get another one out soon

Kirsten is not like Dawn

Chapter 3

Ryan pulled his hood up and began to walk past the policemen talking by the road.

He pulled a box of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket and shook one onto his open palm. One of the policemen looked at him as he walked past and pointed him out to the other policeman. Ryan held his breath and was relieved when the other policeman shook his head and reverted the man's attention back to the road.

Ryan picked up his pace and slipped down a side road. He lit his cigarette and sucked on it. Kirsten would be so pissed if she saw him now. He snorted when he remembered, like she cared about him right now. Ryan sighed and squinted through the darkness.

He noticed a man staggering towards him clearly drunk and Ryan picked up his speed to get past him. He couldn't deal with this right now.

The man started shouting obscenities at him. Ryan kept walking and turned to see the man throwing up on the side of the road. It was a little early to get drunk.

Ryan felt exhaustion creep in. He hadn't slept at all last night. He needed to find a place to rest for a while. He was a little scared though. He knew at night that shelters were out of the question and the streets weren't the safest things in Chino.

He thought about maybe staying with one of his old friends but they would have all talked to Eddy and Eddy was very popular among them and Ryan really wasn't.

Trey was still in jail and so he was out of the question. The realisation hit him hard- he had no one.

Ryan sucked in on his cigarette and wished he was someone else, anyone else. His life sucked and he just wanted to crawl up in a little ball in the pool house and hide under the sheets in his bed.

He knew though that this wasn't a possibility like the Cohens would want him now. He spotted a door way and the house looked pretty empty. He figured that the owner wouldn't be back for a couple of hours. He had a little time for a nap. He was just so tired.

Ryan moved over and sat down leaning against the door. He was cold and he found himself wishing he'd brought a few more clothes with him from Newport but Sandy and Kirsten could easily sell those clothes he'd left and then he'd be less in their debt. The clothes he had left over from Chino were old and worn. They didn't keep out the chilly winds.

He huddled right into the corner of the door and rocked slightly trying to keep himself at least a little bit warm. He wondered what the Cohens were doing. It had been a while though so they were probably over him by now.

He began to think over his plans for the rest of the day. He needed to find a job that was the main thing. The money he had brought wasn't going to last for long. Until he started receiving an income, Ryan couldn't risk eating more than one meal a day with the money he had brought with him.

Ryan leant his head on his knees and closed his eyes hoping for at least a few hours sleep. He wished he hadn't left his watch in the pool house. Now he had no way of telling the time.

His sleep ended when a sharp kick knocked Ryan hard against the door. His eyes snapped open and a man loomed over him.

"Get lost you fucker!" The man growled and pulled Ryan's arm sharply. Ryan stood up and stretched his aching body.

"What? You deaf or something? Get off my property you worthless little shit!"

Ryan nodded and slowly stalked away. A sharp pain in the back of his head made Ryan turn around and he realized the man had thrown a stone at him.

"Don't even think about coming back!" The man shouted at him before skulking back into his house. Ryan rubbed his head and walked away.

Sandy stared at the ceiling. Kirsten lay rigid next to him so he knew she was awake.

The amount of time since Ryan had left them was rapidly increasing and he was still not back with them. Brian was helping but deep down Sandy couldn't shake the thought that Ryan was too smart for the police.

Marissa had been round that day and she had been a wreck. The family had tried to be patient with her but things had got too much for them. She kept saying that Ryan had left because of her and that she was a terrible girl friend. She brought up everything that the family had just got past including Oliver.

Seth had ended up yelling at her and she had run out of the house in floods of tears. Sandy didn't scowled Seth as he was about to do the same thing. However soon Seth's anger turned into guilt and he started calling her cell phone and leaving her numerous messages to apologise.

Kirsten just watched Seth with a sad look in her eyes.

By the time it was light out Sandy was still awake and staring at the ceiling like he had done every night since Ryan had left. He slid out of bed and quietly grabbed a sweater and left the bedroom for the kitchen.

He looked at his watch and groaned at how early it was. He picked up a bagel and started to schmear it quietly. He really wasn't hungry but it was something to do. He hoped that Ryan was getting enough to eat wherever he was.

He sighed and put down his knife. He couldn't help but blame himself. He should have talked to Ryan that night. He should have known Ryan would blame himself, it was who Ryan was.

As soon as they found him, Sandy was determined to move Ryan into the house or if Ryan refused, check that he was still in the pool house every hour at least. They could not go through a repeat of this.

Ryan woke up and was relieved to see that it was light. The night had been bad. He'd been yelled at by too many drunks and the place had looked so threatening.

He got up slowly using the wall he was leaning against for leverage. He stretched his aching muscles and reached into his pocket for his pack of cigarettes. He frowned and felt around in his pocket. They weren't there and nor was his lighter. Ryan swore silently under his breath.

He reached into his other pocket and closed his eyes in despair. His money wasn't there either.

Why did he have to sleep there? He could have pushed himself a few more metres. He felt himself longing to go home. But they wouldn't want him.

A voice came into his head. "You're all alone aren't you? No one wants you. That man with the stone is right you're useless. Everybody hates you. You ruin everything nice that you touch"

Ryan tried to ignore it. It wasn't real. He felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes. He wouldn't let them go, he couldn't, not here. He longed to feel Marissa's light kisses going up his neck. But she probably hated him right now for leaving her.

He began to start walking down the road. What was he going to do? He had no money, nowhere to stay and now his cigarettes were gone.

Ryan made his way to the park he used to go to when he was little with Trey when he was younger.

He sat down on one of the swings and swung slightly. He remembered swinging and laughing with Trey. That was their escape from Dawn and her boyfriends. Ryan remembered the boyfriends well. They always hated him more than Trey. Probably because Trey was always out with his friends and Ryan was left alone with them when Dawn was passed out.

Once the boyfriends were done hitting Dawn they moved onto Ryan. Ryan remembered the first time he'd been beaten. The pain cut through his body and he cried. He wanted his mother to help him but she was just glad it wasn't her so she stayed out of it.

The man locked him in a cupboard when he was done and Ryan was terrified that they would forget about him. There was no light in the cupboard and Ryan sobbed into his knees until Trey came home and heard him. Trey was a good brother then. He picked Ryan up and cleaned him up and put him to bed.

Ryan shivered at the memory. Trey was nice then but it only lasted for a few years until Trey would leave for days at a time and Ryan would have to wait in the cupboard till his mom remembered him and let him out. Once he was in there for days and his mom only remembered him when she was looking for a blanket in the cupboard and found him passed out inside.

Ryan sighed and kicked at a stone. He longed for a cigarette but knew that wasn't going to happen any time soon. He seriously needed a job but didn't have the energy to go out and find one.

He saw a woman enter the park carrying her son. She placed him in the sand pit and he immediately started digging holes and giggling. The woman moved over to a bench nearby and sat down.

Ryan continued observing them and he saw the woman reach into her bag. She pulled out a bottle and took a swig from it. Ryan looked at her in disgust. He recognised the bottle from the ones his mom used to leave around the house.

The little boy stopped playing and looked at his mother with big wide eyes.

Ryan couldn't watch this. He got up and stretched a little before making his way out of the park. He stole a last glance back at the kid who was still watching his mother intently and Ryan was pained to see tears forming in the little boy's eyes.

Now he couldn't even go to a park without alcohol following him around. Ryan walked away quickly. He had to get out of there.

Sandy took a swig from his coffee mug and watched Kirsten sitting at the table. She had her head in her hands and was reading a booklet type thing carefully.

"What you reading?" He asked curiously walking over to her.

"It's a brochure for a place called Suriak." She told him still staring at the pages.

"Rehab?" He asked. He'd come across that name when he'd been looking for a centre for Kirsten to go to when this whole mess had started.

"Yeah, I figured when we find Ryan it would be a good idea if I got some help." She replied still not looking up.

Sandy moved over to her and put his arm around her "Thank you" He breathed and kissed her on the top of her head.

"Come on you guys get a room." Seth interrupted the couple as he entered the room.

Sandy looked up annoyed and Seth put his hands up in defence. "Fine sorry, carry on. I'll wash my eyes out with soap later." He grinned trying to lift the mood and Kirsten gave him a little curl of the lips for his effort.

"Oh and dad? Are you for another drive around? I marked some more places that I think Ryan may have gone." Seth pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket and read through it.

"Yeah okay." Sandy answered and he gulped down the rest of his coffee.

Sandy and Seth had been driving around for a few hours and there was still no sign of Ryan. Seth poised the pen over his list and frowned trying to think of anywhere else.

"So how are you with everything?" Sandy asked looking at Seth.

"Well, my brother has run away and my mother is an alcoholic. How do you think I feel?" He said honestly.

Sandy turned back to the road "You know, once we find Ryan… Everything will be alright I mean we can get Ryan thorough this and your mothers willing to get help."

"If only life was that simple." Seth scoffed

"You know…" He broke off and stared at something out the window. He slowed the car down.

"Come on dad. What are we breaking down or something? What are you doing?" He asked exasperated. He followed his father's eye line and noticed a lone figure walking ahead of them with their head down.

Sandy jolted the car to a stop and Seth realized who the figure was… it was Ryan!

"Stay in the car Seth." Sandy whispered to his son and Seth nodded in a daze as his father slowly released his seat belt and opened his car door shaking.

Seth looked over at Ryan who was still walking away oblivious to Sandy who was walking towards him.

Sandy took a deep breath. It had only been a few days since he'd found the letter and it had felt like his world was crashing down around him but for him it felt much longer.

He could not mess this up. Kirsten and Seth would never forgive him. Hell, Sandy would never forgive himself. He walked a little behind Ryan thinking about what he could possibly say to him. The whole time Sandy had been so preoccupied with finding Ryan that he hadn't actually planned on what he was actually going to say to him.

He paused when he saw Ryan slide down to the floor and lean against a wall. He was obviously exhausted. Sandy carried on moving concerned.

"Ryan?" He called softly when he was close enough too his foster son.

Ryan's head snapped up and he stared wide eyed at Sandy.

tbc….

Please review. I love receiving your thoughts on my work.

e HHe sat Ha He


	4. Actions have consequences

Thank you all so much for my reviews it was really nice getting them. Here's chapter 4. It's been a bit longer for me to update this time around but I wanted to make it a little longer than the last chapters. I'll try and finish the next chapter as soon as possible.

Chapter 4

Sandy approached Ryan cautiously. "Ryan?" He called again and watched as Ryan looked up confused at the sound of his name. When he saw Sandy approaching he stared wide eyed at him.

Sandy paused and Ryan's eyes tracked his every movement. His eyes looked dull and expressionless but they were locked into Sandy's own eyes.

"Ryan?" Sandy called again a little afraid of the boy's quietness.

Nothing seemed to cause a reaction so Sandy advanced closer and knelt down beside him. It seemed Ryan had lost weight in the short time he's been away. His clothes were baggy and it was clear he hadn't eaten in a while.

There was some dried blood on the back of his head which was matting his ruffled hair. Sandy leant in to look at it closer but Ryan backed away looking even more scared.

Sandy shrunk back at the sudden movement and put his hands up. "I'm not going to hurt you Ryan…" He soothed. He didn't like the flighty look in Ryan's eyes. He would not let Ryan get away again.

"Sandy?" The word was spoken in a quiet hoarse voice and Sandy leant forward eagerly to hear whether Ryan would say anything else.

"Yes kid it's Sandy." He knew he sounded patronising but he had to get that flighty look away from Ryan.

"What? But… how?" The confused note in Ryan's voice tugged on Sandy's heart strings.

"I've been looking for you every day since you left." Sandy told him calmly.

"Why?" Sandy looked at Ryan's puzzled face. He leant in closer.

"Because you're my son and I would never let you go." Again with the patronising voice but he meant every word. He just hoped Ryan believed him.

Ryan averted his eyes and began playing with a stone on the ground. Sandy lowered his body and sat down fully. His knees ached and this was even harder than he originally thought it would be.

"Look Ryan… We all miss you. We just want you to come home." Sandy spoke quietly too him in a reassuring voice.

"What about Kirsten?" Ryan's hoarse voice was even quieter. It was clear he hadn't spoken properly in a while.

"She's all set for rehab this weekend. I know she'd love for you to see her off before she goes." Sandy looked at Ryan and saw him look at the stone with a frown on his face.

"So how about it? Do you wanna come home?" Ryan paused. He did, he really wanted to come home with Sandy but then he'd just ruin everything for them. If he went back with Sandy, Kirsten would soon relapse after coming back from rehab just like his mom did when he finally managed to get her to go years ago. Sandy would then realize just how big of a curse he was and Ryan wouldn't be able to stand that.

If he stayed, Kirsten would get out of rehab and be happy. She could start over with Sandy and Seth. He turned and saw Sandy looking at him with big eyes. He couldn't help to remember when Sandy had come home to find Ryan with Kirsten passed out. The look in Sandy's eyes then had been disappointment and Ryan had been sure Sandy had discovered his secret.

But if Sandy knew, why did he want Ryan to come back? Unless he wanted to punish him like AJ or his dad used to do when they had found out. This was Sandy though he had never hit him before or Seth to his knowledge.

He was different to AJ and his real dad but what if he was wrong? What if this was just a ploy to get him home where he could beat Ryan in private?

Ryan leant his head back against the wall and looked away from Sandy. Sandy was struck by how young and small he looked. He needed to take him home so he could return to his usual brave and broody self.

Ryan still didn't answer so Sandy was forced to carry on talking. At least the flighty look on Ryan's face was a little bit less now.

XxxX

Seth watched his father interact with Ryan. They were fairly far away but he could see how fragile Ryan looked. He looked so confused, like he couldn't understand why Sandy had come in the first place.

His dad looked nervous and at a loss on what to say. Every time he came near to touching Ryan, Ryan would just back away further and further. Seth was worried that he would just get up and run. His father was just not as fast as he used to be. He would never be able to catch up with him.

Seth felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and he fished it out of his pocket. He looked at the screen and groaned- it was Marissa. He rejected the call and slid his phone back into his pocket. He couldn't be bothered to deal with her right now.

He looked back at his dad and Ryan to see his dad slowly standing and holding his hand out to Ryan. Cautiously Ryan heaved himself up using Sandy's arm for leverage. Sandy led Ryan to the car slowly talking to him the whole way and trying to soothe him.

When they reached the car, Sandy opened the car's back door and he helped Ryan get in. Ryan sat up completely tense and Sandy pulled the seat belt and handed it to Ryan so that he'd get the idea and do it up. When Ryan just sat watching him with scared eyes, Sandy continued to do it up himself for him.

Seth watched the interaction and he heard his dad whispering reassurances to Ryan who was yet to say a word since he entered the car.

"Hey man," He said trying to sound comforting and welcoming but it came out like he was talking to a three year old.

Sandy came around to the front seat and slid in with a sigh. Ryan just sat there upright and alert as if he was just waiting for something bad to happen.

There was something in Ryan's eyes that scared Seth. They looked so empty and yet so fearful. They darted between him and Sandy like he was expecting one of them to turn around and hurt him.

The car ride was in silence and tense. Seth kept looking side ways at Sandy and sometimes they met each others eyes and Sandy would give him a look to try and tell him that everything would be okay. Or that's what Seth thought it meant. He wasn't sure as his father wasn't exactly as good as Ryan at talking without words and only facial expressions.

Seth for once didn't know what to say. He couldn't think of a witty remark to make Sandy chuckle or to make Ryan give him one of those sideways grins as a reward. Everything he thought of to say he knew would come out as inappropriate or just completely unfunny.

He looked behind again at Ryan and saw that he was alert and on guard. Yet his eyes looked exhausted and Seth just wanted to tell him to relax but his lips wouldn't open to release the words.

Instead he watched Ryan fight his exhaustion and jump at every small noise that erupted in the car. Ryan looked at him briefly but it was like he was looking at Seth's chin and not in his eyes or properly at him

Seth turned back and looked out his window. He watched the teenagers on the beach packing up their towels and laughing together. He wished that he could be like them- trouble free and happy but he knew in reality that the smiles were probably just masks to hide their real feelings. Nothing was ever as it seemed.

The car passed through the gates to the community and Sandy waved at the security guard. The smile he wore was so false that it looked more like a grimace than a smile.

When the car came to a stop, Seth slowly unbuckled his seat belt. He looked behind and was surprised to see Ryan's exhausted face suddenly look scared, terrified almost. He was staring fixed at the house and was making no move to get out of the car or even undo his seat belt.

Seth motioned to his father and Sandy turned around. Sandy sighed sadly and shook his head. He slowly opened his door and climbed out and Seth followed his lead. Sandy then walked to Ryan's side door and opened it.

Ryan backed away trying to get away from the intruder. Sandy put his arms up to show that he didn't mean any harm.

Ryan watched Sandy's hand come towards him and backed away. He was boxed in and was terrified that Sandy would take advantage of the situation and do what his father used to do.

Sandy's face looked startled and sad. He backed away but Ryan thought it was probably a trick to get him to come out for his beating.

Ryan felt his breathing escalate and he stayed withdrawn in the car. Sandy walked out of sight and he saw another figure come into view. It was Seth. He looked scared and uncomfortable.

Ryan watched as Seth's hand came towards him slowly. Seth wouldn't hit him. He didn't have the strength to hurt him even if he did. Ryan wouldn't blame him if he did either as he did make his mom an alcoholic.

Seth's eyes looked gentle though and Ryan gingerly moved forwards towards him. Seth smiled and he nodded undoing Ryan's seat belt. When Ryan reached the open door he paused to see where Sandy was. He spotted the man's figure standing a few metres away looking uncomfortable.

He was closer than Ryan would have liked but he didn't want to disappoint Seth so he stepped out.

Seth gently took Ryan's arm and ignored the flinch he got in reply. He looked over to his dad worriedly who nodded at him.

"I'm tired," The words caught Seth by surprise since they were the first words Ryan had spoken since he got in the car and he put his arm gently around his brother.

"It's okay… I'll take you to your room. How about you sleep in the guest room? Then, you know what we'll be next door to each other." He took Ryan's small head movement as a yes and he pushed open the front door.

Kirsten sat in the kitchen on a stool reading through the list of people she had to contact again. She heard the front door open and knew it was just Seth and Sandy coming home from their search. Every day she'd run up to them expecting to find Ryan happily walking in with them. But every day that hadn't happened.

She didn't want to get her hopes up again only to have them crushed so she stayed seated. She looked at the Suriak brochure also on the table. She'd been doing so well since that night Ryan had found her drunk. Why did she have to blow it now?

She just couldn't help herself. The bottle was lying in the cupboard- forgotten. Sandy would smell it on her breath and hate her.

Instead of hearing Seth and Sandy come into the kitchen she heard foot steps clomping up the stairs. She frowned and stood up on shaky legs.

"Sandy!" She called and was puzzled when he didn't answer her. Making her way out of the kitchen she went through the house to the stairs.

There was still no answer when she called so she staggered up the stairs. She wanted to find out what was going on. She saw that the guest room door was open and she frowned.

The alcohol fuzzed her brain so the idea that Ryan was back never came to her. She went to the open door stumbling as she went and she saw Sandy standing by the wardrobe watching something on the bed intently.

She entered the room fully and saw Seth sitting on the edge of the bed talking to a figure with blonde hair- Ryan!

"Ryan!" she squeaked and hurtled towards the bed. Sandy and Seth both jumped and Ryan froze. Kirsten squeezed him tightly and kissed the top of his head.

"You're drunk." The quiet voice got everyone in the room's attention.

"No I'm not. I just… I had a couple of glasses." Kirsten looked around and saw Seth looking at her in disgust.

She pried her hands from around Ryan and stepped away. Ryan's face was blank and he stared at the blanket Seth had draped over his legs.

Sandy stepped towards her and began pulling her out of the room. "Come on, let's go." He said firmly.

She shook him off. "No!" She then looked towards Ryan. "How dare you accuse me of that? I let you into this house and you try and turn my family against me." She shouted.

"You did that yourself." Seth put in and Kirsten looked at him stunned.

"You're supposed to be on my side. I'm your mother for God's sake." She yelled at him now. Sandy once again tried to get Kirsten out of the room but she pushed him away and ran out.

They all jumped when she slammed the door of the bedroom behind her.

"Ryan?" Sandy advanced towards him quietly and watched him turn away from them and shift under his covers.

Sandy grabbed a blanket and sat down in a chair by the side of Ryan's bed. He sat down and prepared himself for a long evening and night. He sure as hell wasn't leaving Ryan right now.

"I'll go and get us all some dinner." Seth excused himself and left the room.

On the way to the kitchen he found his mother on the floor fast asleep. He shook his head and continued on his way.

Tbc…

Thanks for reading.


	5. Do this for us

Hey, I'm so sorry that this has taken so long but I got really caught up with school and stuff like that. Thanks so much for my reviews I really appreciate hearing your thoughts. So here's chapter 5. I hope you like it.

Kirsten is not like Dawn 

Chapter 5

The moon shone through the crack in the curtains and Sandy looked at it tiredly. The room was silent except for the sound of Ryan's hushed breathing.

Thoughts of Kirsten yelling filled his thoughts and he shook his head softly. Ryan had refused to eat the food that Seth had brought up saying he was tired and he wanted to sleep. He had then burrowed under his covers and had not said another word.

Hours had passed and Sandy was alone with him. A whimper brought Sandy closer to the bed and he watched as Ryan tossed and turned over in his sleep.

"Ssh Ryan, its okay. You're alright" Sandy soothed stroking Ryan's hair gently. Ryan whimpered again.

"No, mom…" The words reached Sandy's ears and he looked closer at Ryan startled. He began to wonder how often Ryan dreamed about his mother.

"Kirsten? No… I'm sorry…" Sandy felt Ryan try to turn away from him. He gently held his arms down and spoke softly to him telling him to open his eyes.

Ryan struggled against him but a few minutes later two tired blue eyes revealed themselves.

"Sandy?" Ryan whispered confused. Sandy released him and stroked his arm.

"You were having a nightmare." Sandy explained and he moved and sat on the side of Ryan's bed. "Do you want to talk about it?" Sandy asked gently. The sooner Ryan opened up to him the better.

Ryan shook his head slightly and Sandy noticed how incredibly young and vulnerable Ryan looked. "I don't remember" Ryan whispered but the look in his eyes told Sandy that he wasn't exactly telling the truth.

"Okay… Well try and get some sleep. I'm right here… You're safe kid." Sandy stroked the hair off Ryan's face and watched as Ryan, in his tiredness, relaxed a little at the touch.

"You don't have too." Ryan whispered.

"Yes, but I want too." Sandy promised.

It didn't take long before Ryan lapsed back into an exhausted sleep.

The next morning, Sandy awoke with a start and realised that he must have fallen asleep. He looked over at Ryan and was disappointed to see that he'd gone back to the defensive child he'd been the previous day.

Ryan was crouched by the bed post and watched Sandy's every move.

"Morning kid," Sandy tried to sound positive and cheerful but he could hear the sadness he was feeling in his voice.

Ryan looked down for a second and then resumed watching Sandy through his fringe. Sandy sighed softly.

"You know you can talk to me about anything right?" Sandy picked Ryan's eyes out through his fringe with his eyes.

"Are you hungry?" Sandy asked changing topics and hoping too provoke a response from Ryan.

Ryan responded by a shake of his head and Sandy sighed again. The two settled into silence and Sandy searched through his brain for something to do or say.

A knock on the door made Sandy jump and a curly mop peered around. "Ahh, you're both awake. I've brought breakfast." Seth said as he entered the room. He heaved in a tray laden with bagels and cups of coffee.

"Thanks son," Sandy smiled and hurried towards him to help him with the tray. They placed the tray on the bed and Ryan watched them.

Sandy picked up a bagel and examined it. "Nice work with the cream cheese Seth." He commented trying to change the heavy mood in the room.

"I do learn from the master." Seth responded a small smile appearing on his lips.

Ryan watched them both in his crouched position and began to feel a sense of longing. Why couldn't he have been born in a family like the Cohens? Why did his parents not care about him? He wished that he could be like Seth and have Sandy as a dad. He tried so hard to fit in with the family but he was always so scared Sandy would just lash out or the family would get tired of him and abandon him altogether.

Deep down Ryan knew that Sandy wouldn't hurt him but he couldn't get over that feeling of distrust. Besides, many of Dawn's boyfriends looked nice and approachable but they soon turned on him and made his life a misery.

Ryan didn't know what to do. What would happen when Kirsten told Sandy and Seth about his curse? He was sure she knew about it when she said those things to him the day before. He wouldn't be able to bear it if he got kicked out of another house. It hurt too much the last time and if the Cohens did it, he knew it would feel even worse.

Ryan was called back to reality when Sandy slid a bagel across the bed for him. Sandy's eyes looked gentle and worried about him not like the eyes that he's seen on men before that were angry and blood shot from drugs.

Ryan hesitantly picked up the bagel and Sandy smiled at him. He lifted the bagel that was smothered in the cream cheese up to his mouth and took a little mouthful. He knew he had to be careful as he hadn't eaten in a while and didn't want to overdo it but he was too hungry to refuse.

When Ryan looked back to Seth and Sandy he was startled to see the two of them looking at him and smiling. He paused and looked at them baffled and the two looked away guiltily and returned their attention to their own bagels.

Ryan didn't listen what the two were saying he was too focused on his own thoughts but he saw that they looked looser and more relaxed than Ryan had seen the two of them since thy had picked him up and all because he had eaten a bagel. He put it down carefully on the side.

He caught some of Seth's words and realised that he was joking and making fun of Sandy as usual and Sandy was returning his son's remarks with little comments pretending he was hurt.

It was all a joke to the two of them but all Ryan could think of is what would have happened to himself if he'd said those sorts of things around his own father. He didn't remember his father well but he did remember how much it hurt when his dad was angry and used his belt on Ryan. Sometimes Ryan would just do small things but the belt would always come off and Ryan would try and run away but his dad was just too fast.

Ryan whimpered softly at the memory and Sandy and Seth's heads spun in his direction. He withdrew further into himself as he felt again the belt digging into his flesh and how his dad had always left him in a bloody crumpled heap on the floor and his mother had been too drunk to notice.

Sandy moved closer to him all happiness diminished and Ryan squished himself right into the bed post and Sandy slowed down and sat down on the bed again. He sighed softly.

"Ryan, I'm not going to hurt you. I promise…" He put his hand up and Ryan noticed that he wasn't wearing a belt.

Ryan's attention was drawn to his breathing and he realised that he was practically hyperventilating. He started taking deep breaths and focussed on what Sandy was saying.

"That's it breathe in… and breath out you're doing great. I'm here and I'm going to help you through this. You can trust me."

Ryan eventually managed to calm himself down and he smiled shyly at Sandy. Sandy found himself wondering when he'd last seen Ryan smile. The boy had just been so on edge lately.

Ryan looked around the room and noticed Seth had left the room. Ryan frowned hoping that he hadn't scared him off.

"Seth just went to check on Kirsten..." Sandy explained reading the confusion off Ryan's face. Ryan visibly flinched at the sound of her name. "You know Kirsten didn't mean what she said yester…" When Ryan flinched again Sandy decided that the wounds were just too raw so he stopped and watched Ryan trying to work out what he was thinking.

The two sat in silence and Sandy glanced over at the clock. It was getting late and Sandy didn't know whether he should encourage Ryan to get out or just let him decide on his own when he wanted to get up. He didn't want to leave Ryan alone though so he didn't know what to think.

The sounds of shouting filled the room and Sandy could hear someone stomping up the stairs. The door flew open and Kirsten came into the room. Ryan cowered away from her and Seth ran into the room behind his mother and tried to grab her hand to pull her out of the room.

"I'm sorry. I Tried to stop her but I think she's been drinking again." Seth said to his father worriedly.

Kirsten didn't do anything but just stood watching Ryan's form on the bed. A look of pain and sadness on her face. She looked a mess, her hair greasy and matted and her make up was smudged all over her face.

Ryan was looking anywhere but at her. He had done this to her and he couldn't bear looking at her. She looked just like his mom had done after her benders.

"I'm sorry Ryan," Kirsten tried her voice wavering slightly.

Sandy shook his head. "Now isn't the time Kirsten."

Kirsten looked at her husband like he had slapped her on the face. She spun around and ran out of the room.

Seth looked at his dad frustrated. "What is with her at the moment?" He asked annoyed and he sat down on the bottom of Ryan's bed.

"I don't know. It's been a rough year." Sandy said sitting also and pinching the bridge of his nose as he felt a headache coming on.

Ryan watched the two of them guiltily. He slowly pulled one of his legs out from under him and slid it to the floor and then followed it with the other one. He stepped off the bed and swayed a little before starting to walk across the room to the door.

"Where're you going?" Sandy asked and Ryan paused in the doorway.

"The pool house" He answered quietly and then carried on his way. Sandy was about to follow when Seth stopped him on the way out by putting his hand on his father's chest.

"I think he needs some space, dad." Sandy nodded and sat down on a nearby chair and rested his head in his hands. Seth watched his dad and rubbed his back gently. "Everything will be okay dad. Once mom goes to rehab, Ryan can get stronger and mom will get better too."

Sandy hoped that Seth was right. He was sick of always being on edge and having his wife being some sort of crazy monster lady.

Ryan crept down the stairs. He needed time alone and was glad Sandy hadn't followed. The temptation to run again was thick but he knew somehow Sandy would find him again and plus he couldn't face living on the streets right now.

He caught sight of Kirsten in the kitchen and was saddened to see her reaching under the cupboard and pulling out a bottle. He hid behind the door frame and watched as she shut the door and didn't even bother getting a cup out. She practically poured the substance down her throat.

Ryan felt his legs grow weak and he sat down behind the door frame. She looked so much like Dawn it was ridiculous.

It took a few minutes before Ryan got up the courage to walk through the kitchen. He crept in and saw Kirsten sitting at the table twirling the bottle around with her hands. She didn't notice Ryan until the kitchen door opened and then shut again.

She watched his retreating form walk into the pool house and he closed the door behind him.

Kirsten couldn't believe how much she was screwing everything up. She felt tears trickle down her cheeks and she lifted the bottle to her lips again.

Ryan closed the pool house door behind him and sat on his bed. He missed the pool house it was so private and he could think things through. The guest room was noisy and you could hear everything going on so you couldn't think clearly.

Ryan sighed and lay back on the bed. Thoughts began plaguing his thoughts again.

He remembered dreaming about his mom last night. She had been sitting at a chair in the Cohen's kitchen and she had a bottle of whiskey in her hand. AJ had come up behind him and had started punishing him like he used too and Dawn hadn't done a thing to stop him. Then Dawn had turned into Kirsten and yet she still did nothing to help, she just sat their drinking.

Ryan rolled over. He didn't want to think about that anymore. How come all the girls in his life became alcoholics? Dawn, Kirsten, Marissa…

Ryan thought about his dad and he wondered what he was doing right now. He was probably in a fight with some of his fellow prisoners knowing him.

Ryan lay there locked in his thoughts oblivious of the Cohens watching him from the kitchen.

"Maybe one of us should go and see if he's alright." Seth proposed leaning against the counter. Sandy sighed and picked up the phone and walked out of the room. Seth followed him with his eyes wondering what he was doing. Kirsten stared out of the window with glassy eyes.

Sandy didn't come back for a few minutes but when he did he approached Kirsten. "I was just on the phone with Doctor Woodruff and he says you can arrive early to Suriak…"

"What are you talking about? There's only three days till I'm meant to go. I have to be here… I have to make it up to Ryan. I can wait three days" Kirsten shook her head upset.

"I think for Ryan's sake and ours it would be best if you went now. Show Ryan that you care. Please, Kirsten?."

Seth watched his dad shocked. He knew this was the right thing to do and his mom would be able to get better at Suriak but he'd never spent more than a week away from his mom before and the thought that she would leave for a number of months hadn't properly sunk in yet.

"No… Sandy… don't make me go. I've agreed its just three more days" Seth was started by how childish his mom sounded.

His dad stood there with a sad expression on his face.

"Kirsten! Listen to me! I know its three days but listen… Do this for Seth… for me… If you can't do this for Ryan do it for us. Seth needs his mother back and I need my wife. To get through all of this with Ryan we have to be solid. Ryan needs to be able to lean on us and he can't do that if one of us is an alcoholic."

He saw his mom crumble and her face was soon covered in tears and left over makeup. Seth had always seen his mother as this perfect figure of authority but now he had realized that no one was perfect.

"Ok… I'll go…" Kirsten managed through her sobs. "But please… don't just leave me there and forget about me. Don't hate me…"

Sandy looked at her startled "If you go now then you won't do anything more that you'll regret later.

Seth felt his eyes fill with tears but he refused to let them go.

He moved forward and wrapped his arms around his mom and she turned towards him running her fingers through his curls.

Kirsten pulled away and withdrew to her room to pack. Sandy and Seth were left alone in the kitchen. Sandy pulled Seth into a hug and he felt his son shake against him.

"Like you said… Things will get better Seth." Sandy promised and Seth nodded hoping his dad was right.

Tbc…

Please review it really makes my day :)


	6. Not again

I am so sorry how long it has been since I last updated. I just needed this time to sort myself out really and now I'm back in. I've written the rest of the story and it will be a total of ten chapters. It's just a matter now of typing up the chapters and editing them. I have typed up the next chapter so that one should be coming within the next week. I hope people are still reading but I understand if people have given up on this. For those who are still reading thanks so much and I promise there won't be another huge gap between posting again.

I'm not particularly proud of this chapter but I think the next chapter is better.

Chapter 6

Ryan awoke to the sounds of heavy breathing and he looked to the side heaving himself up with his arms into a sitting position and peered around. Sandy sat on the chair by his bed, his legs drawn up and his head rolled back. His mouth was open and his breathing was deep with sleep.

He kicked back his blanket and pulled his feet around the side of the bed to ease himself up from the mass of blankets. It was dark and he couldn't really see where he was going as he walked across the room. He grimaced as he stubbed his toe on the door post and shuffled out the door quietly closing the glass door of the pool house behind him.

His mind spun with insecurities and he just had to get away from all of this for a couple of hours. He knew Sandy was just trying to help but everything was so suffocating and he knew his punishment was just around the corner seeing as Kirsten had had to go to rehab early and it was all because of him.

He's been in a daze since Sandy and Seth had brought him home. He felt disconnected away from his body. He could hear Sandy and Seth trying to reassure him, he could hear Kirsten shouting but he couldn't do anything to help them or let them know he was okay.

He felt so lost and alone despite the fact Sandy or Seth never left his side.

He walked around the side of the house and made his way to the beach. Memories of Lindsay in a drunken state trying to get him to go swimming with her plagued his mind and he was reminded of another girl who was under the influence of alcohol because of him. Besides the only reason Lindsay was drinking was because he was trying to get her to be friends with Marissa.

He sighed heavily and plonked himself down on the ground leaning backwards so he could look up at the sky.

The only sound was the waves crashing against the shore and he felt his body finally gradually relaxing as he fully lay out and closed his eyes. It was cold but luckily despite the fact that he wore no shoes, the clothes he were wearing were keeping him warm enough.

He could feel himself being lulled to sleep by the waves, for the first time in a long time at peace with the world.

xxx

Sandy's eyes slid open and he ran a hand over his face groaning as his neck ached while he moved it. He lay his feet down on the floor and looked around the pool house. The sun shone in through the windows and the thought came to him that it was quiet- too quiet.

He looked at the bed and started when he realised Ryan wasn't there.

He scrambled out of the chair and hurried to the bathroom but it was empty. "Not again Ryan," He whispered to himself. He shouldn't have fallen asleep. Why hadn't he woken up when Ryan had left?

He raced to the kitchen to see if he had left a note or not and thumped his hand against the table when he found he hadn't. Seth stumbled into the room and looked at his dad with bleary suspicious eyes.

"Umm dad? What are you doing?" He asked blocking a yawn with his hand.

"He's gone." Sandy said walking quickly back to the pool house, searching for clues as to where he was.

Seth followed him "What? I thought you were watching him." He said and pulled on his dad's arm to turn him around when he didn't answer.

"I know Seth but he wasn't here this morning and I fell asleep. Look I'm sorry but… we have to go look for him, okay?"

Seth nodded and looked into the pool house sceptically. "He can't have gone that far, he left his shoes" He commented and Sandy looked to see. The black boots lay next to a pair of Ryan's discarded slippers.

"Okay, I'm gonna check the beach… You go check all over the house and call Marissa and anyone who Ryan may have contacted."

Seth nodded and Sandy left the pool house to grab his shoes from his bedroom before hurrying out of the house and along the path to the beach.

Seth ran around the house checking each and every room before admitting defeat and retiring to a chair in the kitchen and picking up the cordless phone.

xxx

Sandy jogged along the sand, the waves crashing and breaking against the shore. A black heap caught his eye in the distance and he jogged faster to reach it. As he got closer, details became apparent to him. The blonde hair now covered in sand and the shoeless feet also covered in the golden pieces. He was on his side turned away from Sandy.

"Oh thanks God, Ryan!" He called the boys name and reached him. "Oh kid, you have got to stop doing this. I am much too old to keep having all these nightmares with you running off. You could get really hurt and then what would I do?"

He stopped his little rant and looked at him suddenly aware of his lack of reaction and silence. He lowered himself to the ground and noticed that he was shaking slightly.

"Ryan?" Sandy said worriedly putting a gentle hand on his shoulder and turning him around on to his back gently. Tears slid down the kid's face and Sandy felt a lump grow in his throat.

"Hey, it's okay." He reassured, pulling him into a hug and he felt Ryan snuggle his face into his chest. He held onto him tightly feeling the tremors his body was making.

"It's okay, everything's fine…" He said gently repeating the words over and over like a mantra.

After a few minutes the shaking seized and Sandy released his grip a little not wanting to make Ryan feel claustrophobic or uncomfortable but also not wanting to break the contact.

"I can't do this Sandy," The whisper caught him by surprise and he looked down at Ryan worriedly. "It's all my fault…" His words eased off but left Sandy with an ache in his heart.

"What's your fault Ryan?" He asked gently wanting to find out what the source to all this was.

"Everything… my mom… Kirsten, Marissa. Why does this always happen? His voice cracked on the last word and he began shaking again. Sandy could feel his t-shirt growing wetter from his tears. He closed his eyes knowing how big a burden this must be especially for a person like Ryan.

"This wasn't your fault Ryan. You shouldn't have to carry that guilt around with you. Kirsten isn't your responsibility and neither is your mom or Marissa, okay?"

Ryan didn't reply but Sandy could still feel the tears seeping through his t-shirt and he hugged him tighter.

Eventually Ryan pulled away but still sat close and pulled his knees to his chest. Sandy was struck by the black bags under his eyes and how he looked almost ill. His skin was pale and he was still shivering.

"Every girl that I love loves alcohol more than me." The sad words came out of Ryan's mouth and Sandy turned to him.

He suddenly for once didn't know what to say. He couldn't think of a witty one liner to lighten the atmosphere or make Ryan give him one of those little laughs that come out when he or Seth are joking around together.

He looked at him closely, the eyes that looked so empty and the expression on his face one of defeat.

The two sat in silence for a little while. Sandy watched Ryan and noticed worriedly as the boy made no hint of movement except for the shivering taking over his body. He was only in his pyjamas but it wasn't that cold out. Sandy put an arm around him slowly not wanting to startle him.

"You cold?" he asked pleased when Ryan didn't flinch away from him. He got a small nod in response and he pulled off the hoody he'd been wearing all night. He helped him into and briefly felt his forehead while he slid the hoody over Ryan's head.

"Are you feeling alright?" He asked but got no answer. "Come on lets go back to the house. You can rest in a proper bed or you could eat or something." Ryan peered around at him before nodding shyly.

"So that's a yes?" He prompted.

"Okay," was the weak response and Sandy stood up cursing old bones as he also helped Ryan up. He gave an arm for support before leading him back along the beach. The waves pounded the shore spreading foam and sea weed along the sand.

xxx

Seth sat in the kitchen the phone to his ear.

"I know Summer… It's just so hard to see him like this… Yeah… no… have you spoken to her… well yeah but I don't think he's up to seeing her right now. I mean come on. What? She's drinking again? Summer you can not let him see her like this right now…" The sound of the door opening caught his attention.

"Look I have to go my dad's home, if you see Ryan let me know okay? And thanks Summer but make sure she doesn't come here okay?" He hung up and stood up replacing the phone on its cradle as he left the room to find his dad.

He could hear foot steps on the stairs and there was definitely more than one pair. "Dad?" He called hurrying up after them.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw Ryan was with him. The blonde hair ruffled and sandy. He caught them up and caught the look of relief on his dad's face when he saw him.

"Hey Ryan, nice walk bud?" He kept the talk light so as not to scare Ryan into the little shell he'd been hidden in for the past week.

They reached the guest room and Sandy lowered Ryan on the bed rubbing the sand on his feet off gently before placing them onto the bed.

Seth gasped at his appearance. It looked like he was really really hung over in an ironic kind of way but he knew that couldn't be right. He knew his dad felt the same way as his hand rose to the pale forehead.

"I'm gonna go and fetch the thermometer." Sandy mumbled before quickly ruffling Ryan's hair briefly and jogging out of the room.

Seth knew he should say something- anything but he couldn't bring himself too. He sighed, sitting down on a chair by the side of the bed and watching as Ryan ran a hand through his hair trying to get rid of some of the sand.

He looked weak and pretty pitiful actually. Seth wished profusely that the past week hadn't happened and then they would be playing playstation right now and the world would be at peace.

Then he thought about how it may actually not turn out like that. His mom's drinking would still be happening and maybe something else. Something worse may have happened instead. He still wondered though what would have happened it his dad had found his mom in the first place.

He shook his head not wanting to think about his mom and her issue right now. Sandy had sat him down right after she had left and told him it wasn't his fault and how no one could have seen this happening. He still felt bad though, he'd been so self absorbed lately and hadn't even noticed his own mother's problem.

Ok so yeah she drank a couple of glasses at finer and yeah the vodka bottle in the fridge had slowly been emptying lately but still he hadn't seen it as something he should be that concerned about. He felt bad for not paying attention to these details and not working out his mother needed help.

Ryan slowly was lowering himself down to a lying position and he raised slightly red rimmed eyes to the ceiling. It looked like he'd been crying and Seth made a mental note to ask his dad about it once he had a moment alone with him.

Ryan looked so miserable and just plain exhausted. The usually sparkling eyes were blank and the area under them was blue and purple.

He guessed by the sand that he was in fact on the beach when his dad had found him and he thought about how cold it was at night there by the sea and wondered if he was really okay.

The sound of his dad returning back into the room snapped Seth's mind back to reality and he watched as his dad made his way over to the bed and sat down. Ryan responded by turning his head to the side.

"Here kid, can I take your temperature?" Ryan gave him a puzzled, dazed look but didn't reject as Sandy slid the thermometer into his mouth.

The sound of the doorbell reverberated around the house and Seth got up stretching before plodding down the stairs to answer it nodding at his dad on the way out.

He opened the door and came face to face with… Marissa! He groaned inwardly.

"Hi Seth, is Ryan here?" She asked plastering a smile on her face.

"Uhh… yes but he's not feeling very good so it's probably not a good time." Marissa looked at him, her lip quivering ever so slightly and tears filling her eyes. She bit her lip and looked at Seth, her annoyance clear.

She looked as if she was about to say something and leaned in closer to him. Seth recoiled at the smell of alcohol on her breath.

"Are you drunk?" He asked surprised and she withdrew quickly. She looked guilty for a second but soon it turned to anger at him.

"No, I am not. How can you say that to me? I am your brother's girlfriend." She hissed at him and he could feel something snap inside him.

"This is the last thing he needs right now. What kind of girlfriend gets drunk and tries to see her boyfriend who has grown up with an alcoholic mother and now it just so happens that he feels like all the girls around him turn to alcohol and you're just proving his point. I can not believe you." He yelled his voice speeding up as he spoke.

Marissa stared at him stunned and she scrunched her face up before turning away and running back to her car. Seth slammed the door and made his way back to the guest room determined to be with Ryan now more than ever.

He opened the door and was surprised to find only Sandy in it. His eyes widened worried that Ryan may have overheard his 'conversation' with Marissa.

"Where's Ryan?" He asked trying to keep calm although his heart was beating faster.

"In the bathroom washing the sand out of his hair, he's got a bit of a temperature and the sand was bothering him so he's gonna wash and then try to sleep this thing off before it gets worse. Who was at the door?"

Seth checked to make sure the en suite bathroom door was closed before whispering "Marissa, she was drunk."

Sandy sighed deeply and shook his head but the two were halted from further conversation by the door creaking open and Ryan coming in.

He was shivering and in a new tank top and sweat pants which Sandy had put out for him. Sandy leapt up and pulled back the blankets from the bed as he neared the bed.

Ryan gave him a little smile and Seth looked on anxiously as the blonde boy's teeth chattered as Sandy covered him up.

"You feel any better?" Sandy asked worriedly feeling his forehead.

"Cold," Ryan answered quietly snuggling down into the blankets.

xxx

Marissa ran into her house tears free falling down her face. She ignored her mother's surprised face as she ran slammed her bedroom door closed behind her.

She leapt onto the bed face planting into the pillows. The sobs wracking through her thin frame.

Julie opened the door and quietly watched her from the door way sighing. She could see a bottle of vodka only half full on her bedside table and knew she'd just been to the Cohen's house. A drunk Marissa was the last thing that family needed right now.

She quietly entered the room just as the tears were lessening and her daughter collapsed into a drunken sleep. She pulled the blanket up and over her body before grabbing the phone and leaving the room.

"Yes hi," She said into the phone. "I was wondering if you had any space for a sixteen year old girl?"

TBC…

Thanks so much for reading.


	7. Summer relates

Hi, So I wanted to just say thank you so much to drtyxlilxsecrtx and cheerleader2006 for continuing to read and dropping by such lovely comments. I'm so glad that you both are still reading :)

Anyway on to chapter 7.

Chapter 7

2 day later.

Sandy stood over Ryan not quite sure what to do. It was usually Kirsten who did this kind of job. His hands were shaking as he rubbed Ryan's back as he heaved into the toilet. Each heave made Sandy wince and the attacks were so violent he felt his own stomach aching in sympathy.

A little whimper came from Ryan as he panted, desperately trying to catch his breath before another coughing fit took a hold of him and he was once again gagging and heaving into the toilet.

Sandy moved away for a second to get a damp flannel to try and cool him down. His fever had been getting progressively worse during the night and Sandy had been trying to do everything and anything he could to try and lower it but it was relentless.

Seth had disappeared the moment Ryan had leapt from the bed to the bathroom and hadn't come back.

"You're doing really well kid, its okay." Sandy whispered as Ryan moaned. He placed the flannel on his neck and he shivered at the coldness compared to his own heat.

He leaned back against it and sat back from the toilet. Sandy leant over to flush the toilet and then sat down beside him running the flannel over his face cleaning the pale skin.

They sat there for awhile before Sandy could see Ryan's eyes drooping closed. "Come on lets get you back to bed" he said heaving himself up and pulling Ryan gently up with him.

It was clear as Sandy helped him walk across the floor to the bathroom how weak Ryan was and he stumbled along against him leaning against Sandy for support.

Sandy pulled back the blankets and Ryan climbed in immediately curling into a little ball.

Sandy waited until he was asleep, gliding his hand up and down his back before leaving to find Seth. He made sure a bottle of water was in easy access as well as a bucket in case his stomach contents decided to try and make an escape again.

He closed the door behind him as quietly as he could and made his way down the hall to Seth's bedroom. He knocked on the door but there was no answer so he pushed it open.

He frowned when there was no sign of him anywhere. He began retreating down the stairs to the kitchen. "Seth!" He called careful not to be too loud so he wouldn't wake up Ryan.

There was no answer and Sandy made his way to the kitchen to get some coffee. He felt absolutely exhausted both physically and mentally. A note on the counter made his heart almost stop.

He racked his brain, Ryan was upstairs. Where was Seth? He walked slowly towards the table not wanting to read the words. Seth wouldn't run away would he? He did before but things were different now.

_Dad,_

_Gone to Summer's house, I'll be back tonight._

_Seth_

Sandy breathed out a sigh of relief running a hand nervously through his hair.

He got a mug from the cupboard and filled it with coffee pre prepared by Seth. Sighing he looked at his watch. A movement from upstairs caught his attention and he heard the sound of the bathroom door slamming shut.

He gulped down the coffee which luckily wasn't too hot and placed it into the sink before jogging out the room and back up to the guest room.

The blankets from the bed were twisted and sprawled along the floor. The bathroom door was closed and Sandy could hear coughing and gagging through the door.

He knocked on the door calling Ryan's name gently. There was no answer but the sound of retching and moaning. He pushed open the door that was thankfully unlocked and immediately ducked down to where Ryan was perched his head leaning over the bowl. He was wickedly pale with the tell tale green hint of someone throwing up.

Sandy rubbed his hand up and down his back and he saw the goose bumps on Ryan's arms. "Are you still cold?" He asked and Ryan nodded. He went back to the bedroom to retrieve a blanket and came back placing it around his shoulders.

xxx

Seth laid on Summer's bed his hands folded and resting on his stomach. Summer bustled around him tidying her room to distract herself.

"This sucks" Seth commented and she nodded sighing. "I just… it all got too much and now Ryan's puking his guts up and it's like how can this get any worse?" Summer listened to him patiently and he picked up Princess Sparkle from the table next to her bed. He used the comb that before Seth had come along hadn't been used since Summer was six to brush the plastic horse's mane.

"I'm sure things will get better I mean you've hit rock bottom but now your mom's getting help and I'm positive Ryan will get better and soon all this will be behind all of you. Just give it time." She said gently and Seth nodded biting on his bottom lip.

"Julie's sending Marissa off to rehab," She said looking at the pair of socks she had just plucked from the floor.

Seth looked up at her surprised before looking down at the horse sadly. Everyone's going to rehab." He stated and Summer went over and sat down on the edge of the bed next to him.

"At least they're getting help I mean can you imagine how hard it must have been for Ryan with his mom all high and drunk all the time? It's really no wonder he's reacting the way he is. She probably blamed it all on him and now with Kirsten he must think once again he's at fault just like before," Seth pondered what she had just said quietly

"My grandma used to be an alcoholic. She refused to get help not wanting to dampen her "reputation". She left one night and never came back to us. My mom went a little crazy after that and things just went downhill from there." Summer told him and Seth watched her hands as they nervously twisted the pair of socks.

"Whoever created alcohol was a dick," She commented turning away and Seth snorted.

"Are you gonna stay for dinner?" She asked changing the subject and putting the socks into her drawer.

Seth shook his head "No thanks, I should really be getting home now and seeing how Ryan is." They walked to the door hand in hand and they hugged each other.

"Things will get better," She promised him quietly and he thanked her hoping beyond belief that things she was right and things would get better soon.

xxx

Opening the front door he was met by a frantic Sandy. "God Seth, please tell me where you're going and not just leave notes I… for God's sake I was only right upstairs.

Seth looked down at his feet "Sorry," he mumbled. Sandy ran a shaking hand over his face and let out a long sigh. His worry and fear evident.

"How's Ryan?" Seth asked more guilt starting to settle in on him.

Sandy blew out "Finally asleep, all day he's been completely exhausted but he can't stop being sick and having to run to the bathroom. His temperature keeps getting higher and higher." He walked to the kitchen and Seth hurried after him.

"Do you mind sitting with him while I have a shower and call Kirsten?" He asked and Seth was pained to see his dad looking at him as if he was just waiting for a negative answer.

"I tell you what, why don't I take the night shift? You should sleep and have a nice long shower. I can watch Ryan and then tomorrow we can swap."

Sandy looked at him with a look of surprise in his eyes.

"Are you sure, I know what you're like with bodily fluids." He asked quietly and Seth nodded.

"It's my turn anyway," Sandy gave him a pat on the shoulder and he saw for perhaps the first time ever a look of pure respect on his dad's face.

He then backed his way out of the kitchen and made his way up the stairs. He could do this. It was Ryan and Ryan was as strong as anything. It couldn't be that bad.

As an only child he'd never had to tend to a sick person before, his parents used to take care of each other and they both looked after him when he was sick.

"Call me is you need anything," Sandy called up the stairs to him.

"Okay," he returned and took a deep breath before opening up the solid white door before him.

All he could see of his brother was a little bit of blonde hair sticking out of the blanket and a pale arm hanging out over the side of the bed.

He could see the bucket by the side of the bed just below his hand and a bowl on his bedside filled with water and a blue flannel left in it.

Seth pulled out his iPod and sat down listening to the sounds of Death Cab. He kept the volume down low so as not to disturb Ryan and tapped his toe to the beat of the music.

He didn't know how much time had passed but in that time he had successfully fallen asleep and his headphones were now on the floor. He turned off his iPod which was still playing "A lack of colour" on repeat. He had no idea what had woken him up and he looked around the room dazed. Right, Ryan was ill and he was meant to be looking after him not falling asleep on chairs.

He could see the vague outline of Ryan's body and seemed okay. A muffled groan caught his attention and he found himself hurrying over to Ryan's side. Maybe he wasn't okay.

"Dude, are you okay?" He turned on the lamp by the bed and could now see Ryan properly and he was starting to writhe around on the bed his eyes shut and his head dipping underneath the pillow.

"Ryan?" He got no response and he put out a hand gently touching Ryan's shoulder. Ryan's eyes flew open and he reached out a desperate hand for the bucket. Seth handed it to him determined to be a proper brother, However at the first gag Seth flew backwards grossed out.

He covered his mouth with his hand and was about to hurry out to get his dad when Ryan looked up at him and his eyes were so full with pain and despair that he found himself unable to go away.

He dragged himself to go up closer and carefully sat on the edge of the bed. He held the bucket still and rubbed his back as his brother coughed and spat into the bucket.

It took a few minutes for the episode to end and once it did tears of pain and exhaustion were running down the blonde boy's face and Seth placed the bucket on the floor and the blanket back over Ryan's shivering body.

"Sandy…" Seth looked down at him confused.

"No dude it's Seth," He watched as Ryan's breathing evened out and he was once again fast asleep just as quickly as he had woken up.

Seth stood up and looked down at the bucket wrinkling his nose. This was going to be a long night. He picked it up and took it to the bathroom telling himself he could do this.

tbc…


	8. Kirsten!

Thank you for all the comments I received. They were so nice and I'm so glad you guys are still reading. I added a little bit at the beginning with Kirsten because I realised how little she's been in this story since she left after a couple of people asked about her. Hopefully I'll be able to squeeze some Ryan/Julie confrontation in the next chapter.

Chapter 8

Kirsten looked around her, the beautiful gardens with fountains and flowers perfectly arranged. Women sat around the garden talking politely to each other and pretending everything was normal.

It wasn't how she imagined rehab to be like but these free times really weren't so bad. She treated it how she would any newpsie event. The smile on and her hair elegantly brushed.

It had been hard for the first couple of days. Guilt had been hanging over her like a big grey cloud waiting to break down on her in the form of Sandy and Seth. What she'd said to Ryan was uncalled for and even though she couldn't properly remember it Sandy had told her the details and how Ryan was coping so badly in the aftermath.

She was hurt that Sandy hadn't come to visit her yet but she locked it away and refused to take that feeling seriously. He had to take care of Ryan, Ryan who she had hurt to almost the same extent as his biological mother had. She didn't want to become that person.

She caught sight of Nancy her therapist coming down the stairs and could feel her smile diminishing. Nancy was young, straight out of college and single. All things she had told Kirsten as she had sat quietly on the armchair wishing she was at home with her boys.

She began walking towards her, her auburn hair shimmering in the sun shine.

She waved at Kirsten and came up to her.

"Hi Kirsten, are you ready for our afternoon session?" She gave a little nod and stood up. The two women began walking back up to the building.

"Oh, Doctor Woodruff wants to see you later on today,"

Kirsten nodded and took a deep breath bracing herself before allowing her legs to carry her through the door that Ashley held open for her. A smile newly plastered on her lips.

xxx

Sandy entered Ryan's room with an armful of files and found him sitting up amongst the blankets reading one of Seth's comics. It was a week later and now only exhaustion was holding him back.

"Hey Kid, do you need anything?" He asked moving closer to the bed.

"No thanks I'm okay," he answered looking up to him and giving him a small smile.

"You feel any better?" He asked eyeing all the blankets and his pale face.

"Yeah just tired," He answered and Sandy smiled down at him.

"You'll get your strength back." He sat down on the chair next to him. "Do you want to take a quick nap?" He asked as Ryan yawned.

He gave a small nod and Sandy took the comic from him as he settled down in the bed and sunk into the pillows.

"You don't have to stay," Ryan said letting out another yawn and Sandy gave him a reassuring smile.

"Yes but I know how lonely it is when you're ill and no ones there. Plus I'm just going to be working anyway so I might as well do it in here." Ryan smiled softly and closed his eyes.

"Thanks," He mumbled.

Sandy pulled out one of the files he had carried in and began leafing through it.

XxxX

Kirsten sat opposite Doctor Woodruff and fiddled with the chord on the cushion she was resting on.

"So Kirsten, how have you enjoyed your stay so far?" He asked gently and she looked at him placidly for a second before looking back down not say anything.

"I know it's hard leaving your family for so long but this is the best thing for all of you." When she still didn't respond he continued.

"So tell me about your family. I heard you had an adopted son… Ryan? How long has he been living with you?" He had his pen poised above his notebook. The therapists had all told him how hard it was to get her to talk.

"Nearly two years." She said quietly.

"And your husband tells me he reacted quite badly to your alcoholism," Kirsten stared at the floor but he could tell that she was listening.

"Do you want to tell me about that?" Kirsten sat in silence for a few seconds and he began to wonder if she was going to answer.

"His mom… his real mom used to drink and she just… I don't know the message same across to Ryan that it was his fault and now with me drinking and Sandy tells me his girl friend is now doing the same…" She broke off and he looked at her just imagining what the poor kid was going through right now.

"Has his biological mother ever tried rehab?" He asked.

"I don't know… he doesn't really like talking about her or the issues he faced back then. She had these boyfriends and… well… you can imagine." She sunk into silence and didn't continue,

"Well I have to say, the fact that you are seeking help is already showing him that you are different from her." He waited for her to add anything but she stayed quiet.

"How about we have a family session in the next couple of weeks and I can sit with you and Ryan. It would give you a chance to sit down with him and talk about your drinking and anything else that's been going on between the two of you." She looked up and locked eyes with him. The nervousness in her eyes was clear.

"I can have a word with your husband and see what he suggests for a date?" She nodded hesitatingly knowing she couldn't hide from this any longer and he smiled at her scribbling down a note for himself in his notebook.

"You also have another son right? Umm let me see… Seth? Why don't you tell me a little about him?

xxx

Seth sat on the sofa battling ninjas on the playstation. His dad had been sitting with Ryan for hours and frankly he was getting rather bored. He cut another ninja's head off and made his way in the game to where he knew the port was for the next level.

He leaned against the back of the sofa as the 'loading' screen came on. He tapped his toe impatiently. It was so quiet in the house at the moment and it was so weird without his mom. The kitchen was collecting random take out containers and food littered the counters.

He turned off the TV starting to feel frustrated by the lack of anything to do in the house and besides it was taking too long to load. He grabbed his iPod off the counter.

The music was so loud that he didn't hear his dad come down the stairs until he sat down beside him on the sofa. He jumped and pulled the ear pieces out of his ears.

"Hey, how's Ryan?" He asked.

"He's having a shower and is gonna come down in a little while for dinner." Seth looked down at his hands.

"You alright?" Sandy asked him.

"Yeah just tired I guess,"

The sound of the phone ringing stopped them and Sandy stood up and grabbed the phone putting it against his ear.

"Yes… oh hi Doctor Woodruff,"

Seth watched as his dad left the room and made his way into the corridor.

He was gone a good few minutes and when he came back he let out a loud sigh and dropped back onto the sofa. They were silent for a while.

"Everything alright?" Seth asked as his dad ran a tired hand over his face, a move that Seth hadn't ever seen him do so much till the last couple of weeks.

"That was Kirsten's doctor. He wants us all to go to Suriak and have a family session with Kirsten. He also wants Kirsten and Ryan to sit down with him and have them talk through a few things."

Seth looked at him worriedly "Do you really think Ryan's ready for that?" He asked and Sandy shrugged.

"I really don't know," he said.

"Ready for what?" A voice behind them made the two of them whirl around and they saw Ryan standing at the doorway and looking at them suspiciously. He was wearing a jumper that Sandy had given him for Christmas.

It was large and warm on his frame making him look small and fragile but the look on his face was demanding an answer.

"How would you feel about coming with us to Suriak and visiting Kirsten?" Seth looked at Sandy surprised that he had been so forward rather than babbling as he would have done.

The look however was no match to Ryan whose eyes looked like that of a wild animal trapped and desperate to escape.

You don't have to but I know Kirsten's missing you and would love you to come." The two Cohens watched for Ryan's reaction as he shuffled around uncomfortably.

"I don't know," He said quietly and Sandy nodded.

"Well see how you feel. If you don't want too this time next week we'll call Doctor Woodruff and let him know only Seth and I will be coming. I'm sure Kirsten will understand."

Ryan gave a little nod and he knew it was time to change the subject. Seth sat beside him in silence and Sandy thought how weird it was how little Seth spoke these days.

Sometimes at night he would hear him talking to Captain Oats or on the phone to Summer he was so preserved around him and Ryan though, especially around Ryan.

"So what do you guys want for dinner? Ryan? Is your stomach feeling up to some Pad Thai?" Ryan nodded and he picked up the phone again to order the food.

Tbc…

Thanks for reading.


End file.
